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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25955344">Knife to Meet You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DMisforDaddyMaster/pseuds/DMisforDaddyMaster'>DMisforDaddyMaster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DnDads Telephone Game Fics [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, a little light stabbing and blood, it's paeden after all</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:13:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25955344</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DMisforDaddyMaster/pseuds/DMisforDaddyMaster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Their first mistake was bringing Paeden into a Bull E. Wug's.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DnDads Telephone Game Fics [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886971</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Knife to Meet You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He could hear Henry trying to pair people up for safety or something, but Paeden wasn’t listening. Not like <em>he </em> was gonna get lost. He knew this place like the back of his hand. Every Bull E. Wug’s was exactly like every other one, tables sticky from spilled beer and scattered with discarded chicken finger bones, lights too dim, and the fighting ring in the middle.</p><p>Paeden started to sidle over to the ring, to “get a feel for the competition” out of habit, but caught Henry staring at him. “Yeah?” he asked, crossing his arms. </p><p>“Stick close, there’s unsavory types around, I think,” Henry said. “Want a glass of juice?” </p><p>“Heh. Don’t worry, I can handle ‘em,” he answered, pulling a knife out of somewhere. He hooked a thumb at Darryl with his other hand. “I’ll have what he’s having.” </p><p>Darryl gave him a stern look and shook his head. “I’m having a beer, kiddo, so you stick to juice, all right?” he asked while Henry took away his knife. That was okay, he had a few more, and Henry looked like he could probably use one. Make him feel safer and all that, if Paeden wasn’t around to look after him. These guys were helpless without him, after all. Probably why they didn’t want him to wander off. </p><p>He plopped down on a bench, swinging his feet loosely above the floor. His eyes strayed over to the UFC ring again. “Hey, whaddaya say I get out there, win us some travel money and stuff? Make things easier in the long run.” </p><p>The dads looked at each other for a few moments, Glenn looked like this would be the best course of action, Henry and Darryl looked either slightly horrified or more in disbelief, and Ron just looked like he didn't care. “Come on, it’ll be fun, I haven’t exactly been kicking ass lately,” he said, brandishing a second knife from places unknown. “It’ll be good for me, it’s exercise!” he added with a smile as if he could do no wrong. This was of course performative, to convince Darryl. Paeden could do so much wrong. He’s got The Eye Of The Tiger baby. </p><p>Darryl, sadly, was not swayed, “I still don’t think that would be a good idea. Paeden, you’re still only eight years old, that’s still pretty young to be fighting in a ring like that.” Damn, why did he have to be immune to his charms? Paeden was annoyed by this, he was <em> clearly </em> the best fighter out of all of them. </p><p>Henry furrowed his brow and took the second, arguably <em> more </em> deadly knife from Paeden, who scowled. </p><p>“Hey! Let the kid fight, half of us have magic, man, we can pull him out when it gets too rough,” Glenn protested while Henry grumbled something about where and how he had all these knives. “Besides he’ll be fine, my boy's got The Eye Of The Tiger, baby!"</p><p>“Hell yeah.” He fist-bumped Glenn without looking. That’s how cool they were.</p><p>The other dads still looked unconvinced, and Henry spoke up. “I still don’t think this is a good idea. We have enough gold to carry over for a while before we need to resort to anything like that.” Paeden sighed dramatically. </p><p>“What's the problem with <em> more </em> money, Henry? Everyone wants <em> more </em> money. Mo’ money, <em>less </em>problems as I always say," he scoffed, crossing his arms.</p><p>“I don’t have the time to explain to you the intricacies of capitalism and why that's wrong, but you’re still not going to fight, Paeden, you need to stay safe! We don’t know who in here could be a bounty hunter!” Henry protested, Darryl glancing at him in disbelief before looking at Paeden in disapproval.</p><p>“Ugh, fine, I won’t fight!” Paeden rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go get more Cheese n’ Mac,” he said, hopping off his bench and walking off to the bar to get more food as the dads returned to their conversation about their plans for the rest of the journey. </p><p>On his way to get himself a meal, he saw a very familiar spindly looking figure come out of the shadows. <em>“You're Paeden. Yes? We've met before,”</em> the figure said, a sickly grin coming over his chubby looking face. </p><p>Paeden crossed his arms, leveling Scam with a cool stare, and attempted to rest his elbow casually against the bar. He missed by a few inches, knocking a barstool over, but he pretended like he meant to do that; show that stool who's boss.</p><p>Paeden, that’s who.</p><p>“Are you here to scam us, again?” Paeden asked, pulling a third knife out of his pocket. “Just so you know, any wrong moves and I’m going for your kneecaps.”</p><p>“Oh, how darling!” Scam clapped his hands. “You’re adorable!” He leaned down, grinning broadly, and said, “Look at those cheeks.”</p><p>As Scam reached out to touch Paeden’s face, Paeden met his eyes and said, “How is this for adorable, motherfucker?” And he stabbed Scam in the knee. He twisted the knife and shouted, “This is why we have the buddy system!”</p><p>Scam cried out in pain, reeling back from Paeden, and yanked the knife from his knee. His lip curled in anger and he stalked towards him, dripping blood onto the floor. Paeden pulled out a fourth knife, accidentally slicing his palm with the tip, and he hissed. He watched the blood bubble up, smiling.</p><p>War paint.</p><p>He ran his palm down his face, giving Scam a feral grin, and said, “Let’s end this right now! Fight to the death!”</p><p>Taken aback, Scam said, “What?”</p><p>Paeden let loose a war cry, rushing towards Scam, only to be grabbed from behind and lifted off his feet. He kicked uselessly, brandishing his knife wildly, slicing into someone’s arm. They dropped him in surprise, crying out, and he landed in a crouch.</p><p>“What the hell, Paeden!”</p><p>Paeden whirled around, looking up at Darryl cradling his bleeding arm to his chest. He tried to hide his knife but Henry appeared next to Darryl and snatched it out of his hand, shaking his head.</p><p>“How many of these do you have?” he asked, setting the knife on the bar. He turned to Darryl and healed his arm.</p><p>“Enough,” Paeden said with a cool shrug.</p><p>“Right on!” Glenn yelled from across the room, raising his glass up.</p><p>“Glenn understands the importance of always being prepared,” Paeden said defiantly.</p><p>“Uh, no, no he does not.” Darryl looked at Paeden for a few seconds longer, concern in his eyes, before turning his attention to Scam. “What the hell are you doing here? Are we under attack?”</p><p>“Attack?!” Paeden spun around to face Scam, pulling out a ninja star from his back pocket, and hurtled it at him, missing by a good fifteen inches. “Aces,” he whispered. He pulled out a fifth knife and grumbled darkly when Darryl took it away.</p><p>“Where are all these knives coming from?” Henry demanded. “And where the heck did you get a ninja star?”</p><p>“I’ve got connections.”</p><p>“Connections? What?” Henry shook his head, hissing through his teeth when he looked closer at Paeden. “And is that blood all over your face? Are you bleeding?”</p><p>“What? Paeden’s bleeding?” Darryl looked away from Scam, a rookie mistake if anyone bothered asking Paeden, and he grabbed a damp rag off the bar, attempting to wipe the blood off of Paeden’s face.</p><p>He dodged Darryl, shaking his head. “No, stop, that’s my war paint!”</p><p>“War paint?” Darryl’s face twisted in bewilderment, catching Paeden in a loose grasp and scrubbing at the blood on his skin. “You shouldn’t rub blood all over your face, buddy. It’s not safe.”</p><p>“Safety is not a word in my vocabulary. And it’s not going to be in <em> his, </em> either, if I have anything to say about it,” Paeden said fiercely, looking around Darryl and glaring at Scam. Scam barely paid him any attention, filing his nails with Paeden’s knife, the wound in his knee already healed.</p><p><em> Damn. </em> </p><p>“Did you cut your hand?” Henry gave Paeden a gentle smile, carefully taking it between his own, and starting to heal it.</p><p>Paeden shrugged, trying to act unconcerned, but he was grateful that the stinging in his palm had stopped. “Hazards of being a badass.”</p><p>"Aw, bud, you don't have to be a bad-- a bad, uh, <em> butt </em> all the time." Henry pulled his hands away, leaving Paeden with an unscathed palm once more. He looked over it and scowled. No scar. No reward, no way to show off he'd fought and-- that… had been his knife. Never mind, okay, officially cool with not remembering he cut himself with his own dumb knife like an idiot in front of an enemy. </p><p>As Paeden turned back towards the man whom he'd attacked before, he realized Scam… wasn't there. He bristled and only bristled more when a large arm reached down and scooped him up around the middle. </p><p>"You put me down this instant, young man!" Paeden screeched, small fists smacking against the unyielding (and recently healed) arm of Darryl. The man laughed and set him on his shoulder, shaking his head. </p><p>"No way, bud, we're taking you to go show off your skills in the <em> proper </em>way." </p><p>"Blood sport!"</p><p>"Little wooden table games, actually!" Piped up Henry again, falling into step next to the pair. Glenn was trailing behind and Paeden turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. <em> Were these guys serious? Were you, Glennjamin Close, going to let these two buffoons take him to go play Peg? </em></p><p>Glenn caught his eye and nodded, catching Henry by the shoulder. "Hey, Henjamin, I'm gonna go take a leak, I'll catch up to you guys." </p><p>Henry turned and opened his mouth to say something, but whatever words he said were drowned out by Paeden wriggling free of Darryl's grasp and shouting that he <em> also </em> had to use the bathroom <em> really, really badly, we'll meet you guys at the table he's just gotta-- </em></p><p>Paeden Blade-posed as he got to the sticky floor and grinned at his co-conspirator.</p><p>"Oh, uh, I have to, uh, use the small businessman's room too." Ron had appeared next to them silently, which definitely didn't make Paeden jump. </p><p>Paeden would just have to roll with it. </p><p>As Darryl and Henry disappeared towards the restaurant half of the Bull E. Wugs, Paeden climbed up Ron's body and onto his shoulders so he was eye level with Glenn. </p><p>"Here's the idea. You scope out bets, I scope out competition. I'll tell you who I can beat-- which is all of them, so you have a safe bet-- but some will be easier than others so I'll pick them out first."</p><p>"Then, we take that money and we go and spend it on all the spinach and artichoke dip we can eat." Glenn threw up the horns and Paeden returned them, his thumb poking out so instead he was signing "I love you". </p><p>Glenn neglected to fix this. </p><p>The ring loomed ahead and Paeden disappeared into the crowd of waiting fighters. He watched Glenn take up conversation with the bookie and another man making bets. Ron was eyeing the two strangers, though his thoughts were incomprehensible from an outside view. It looked like there was a lot going on, Glenn was using that finger tutting thing he had tried to teach Paeden to get him advantage in the ring and… he was really… wow, huh, that's--</p><p><em> No! </em> Focus. </p><p>Eye of the tiger. </p><p>His eye landed on a kid nearby that wasn't going to make it to next week by the look of them. They weren't challenging people openly like the others, they must be new. </p><p>"Hey!" </p><p>The kid looked up, their hair moving back to reveal wide eyes. Paeden grinned at them, proudly showing off the two adult teeth that were halfway grown in up top.</p><p>"Look," he started, wrapping an arm around their shoulder, "I get you. I was new here once too. It's tough going up against guys like me. I get it. You and me, my pal, we're gonna be the first match tonight."</p><p>"Wh--" Their voice cracked, warbled as they cleared their throat and tried again. "What? But I can't <em> fight </em>, I'll get crushed!" </p><p>"Exactly. You're gonna get crushed by me, so you're not gonna try." </p><p>Their confusion was all Paeden needed to launch into the best recollection of the retelling of Nick's experience with Glenn when he'd first met them. </p><p>"So basically, you're gonna lose and I'm not actually going to hurt you because I'm a big man, and hurting babies that can't defend themselves is just not cool. It'll be easy, you'll be out for the night and I'll win stuff, you can have some of my winnings." Because Glenn would give him some, right? Right? Of course he would, Glenn was cool as hell.</p><p>"Um, uh-- okay! Okay. I can do that. I'm gonna go… uh. Get ready, I guess?" They disappeared back into the fighters that were milling about. Paeden wandered his way back towards his friends, watching as some lady walked by and caught Glenn's arm. She said something Paeden didn't quite understand, Glenn paused in his finger movements and blinked at her, then nodded. He spoke to the bookie again, getting clear enough to hear as the veteran UFC brawler approached. </p><p>"... so that's a hundo on that, cool. Alright, pleasure doing business." </p><p>"A real pleasure." Ron stuck out his hand and the bookie declined to take it. Paeden grinned and jabbed his thumb into his chest. </p><p>"I'm assuming you've got ol' Paeden secure, yeah?" </p><p><b>"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, LET'S TURN OUR ATTENTION TO THE FIRST MATCH OF THE EVENING!"</b> boomed the announcer sitting at a table nearby, cutting off Glenn's response, <b>"FIGHTERS, COME ON AND SHOW US WHAT YOU'VE GOT!" </b></p><p>Paeden grinned and gripped his hands into fists, turning and scrambling over the side of the ring like he was climbing on some Earth jungle gym. His heart was racing, skipping a beat here and there, breath already starting to hitch. That's the fighting adrenaline coursing through him, baby! (That's asthma, Paeden.)</p><p>The new kid -- why hadn't he gotten their name? -- was slipping under the rope, standing up to their full height as the crowd cheered. They and Paeden stood eye to eye. In the throng he could hear a very distressed pair of dads pushing their way into the crowd, coming up to the ring. </p><p>"Paeden! Hey, listen, I really don't think this is the healthiest of coping mechanisms for the undoubtedly traumatic experiences you've been through--" </p><p>"Hey, Paeden, you better get out of there, c'mon, you shouldn't--" </p><p>"Oh hey, Percy is fighting--"</p><p>"<em> C'mon, Paeden, eye of the tiger!" </em> </p><p>That last one was Glenn, who shot him a thumbs up before shooting a guilty glance at the other three dads.</p><p>Paeden turned around and met New Kid's eyes. </p><p>"Okay. Like we said, right? Let's go." </p><p>The bell rang and he shot forward with all the speed his fifty pound not-quite-real body could muster. He was mere inches away from tackling them when he saw the smirk on their face, the gleam in their eyes. </p><p>Paeden's eyes went wide as New Kid grabbed him and judo-flipped him onto his back. </p><p>The air went out of his lungs and as the crowd cheered, Paeden rolled over to stare up into a pair of familiar eyes. Eyes much older than the body they appeared inside. </p><p>"No buddies out here, huh?" Scam Likely's voice was quiet but manic, his eyes glittering with delight. </p><p>He grimaced and stood up, cracking his knuckles. "Alright, pal, you want a real fight? Let's fuckin' fight, let's go you stupid-- stupid… grrrgh let's go!" </p><p>It was a flurry of blows between them, Paeden's pure confidence slamming against Scam's eons of experience. Paeden was down, Scam was down, they were fighting like two eight-year-olds in a blood match inside of a chain restaurant. </p><p>Paeden fell back against the mat, hands flailing as they were pinned near his sides. Scam held up the shuriken from earlier and brought it down-- </p><p>Only for it to seamlessly meld back into Paeden's flesh. </p><p>Scam looked down at his weaponless hand as Paeden grinned and pulled a knife from his own pocket. </p><p>"What? But--"</p><p>"S' not a real knife." </p><p>"What's it made out of?" </p><p>"Me?" </p><p>"What's that made out of?" </p><p>He surged forward and knocked Scam back, holding the blade high. </p><p>"Winning!" </p><p>Paeden went for the pin, sitting atop a struggling Scam Likely still disguised as an eight year old, grabbing their arms behind their back and holding the knife to their throat. The bell rang again and he let Scam up, dusting himself off as he tucked the knife away. </p><p>"Honestly, though, I have no fuckin' idea. I got a ton of them though. I'm like a knife repository. They keep takin' em, I keep makin'-- whoa!" Two hands plucked him out of the ring and Paeden knew immediately who it was.</p><p>"Son, put me down immediately."</p><p>"Paeden!" </p><p>"Glenn helped!" </p><p>
  <em> "Glenn!" </em>
</p><p>Glenn, who was rubbing the side of his neck rather sheepishly, shrugged. "Yeah…" </p><p>"Hey, music man," Paeden leaned forward in Darryl's grasp, arms crossed over his chest that was still heaving with the exertion of what was probably a minute long fight. "Where's my cut?" </p><p>Glenn sucked in a breath through his teeth. "That's uh... That's the thing. So I bet on the other kid?" </p><p>"Dude!" </p><p>"Look, I heard from a source you were gonna lose the first one and go for a clean streak the rest of the way! Like an underdog story!" </p><p>Source? He scowled. That lady. But how would she have known… </p><p>Paeden gasped. </p><p>"No…"</p><p>Laughter sounded from the ring and the group turned to look at Scam Likely in his original form, grinning widely as he placed a sack of gold in his pocket. </p><p>"Sorry, kid, but your bard there done nat one'd!" </p><p>Scam cackled as he turned away and rushed for the exit. He stumbled and swore as he exited the crowd and as the dads followed, Ron met them near the door. He was holding a bloody business card in one hand. </p><p>He blinked at them all as they looked from him, to Scam limping out the door, to the card. "What? I learned from the best." </p><p>Paeden grinned from his perch on the barbarian. "Achilles tendon?" </p><p>Ron nodded. Paeden offered a fist bump and Ron shook the balled up hand with a solemn nod. </p><p>"Welp, we're out of money." Glenn shrugged. "Guess we gotta come back tomorrow and bet again."</p><p>"Yeah!"</p><p>
  <em> "No!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -fin- </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another relay writing activity.<br/>Prompts:<br/>Setting: Bull E. Wug's: Where A Kid Can Beat A Kid!<br/>Characters: Scam Likely and Paeden<br/>Complication: "THIS is why we have a BUDDY SYSTEM"</p></blockquote></div></div>
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